LinkVETS - The Veterans Resource Network

A little over a year ago my dad died of complications from diabetes. My family is from Cedar Rapids, Iowa and around the time of the flooding last year, I was there with my family because my dad was in the hospital. My memories of the last several weeks of my dad's life are jumbled with memories of the flood.

As expected for anyone who has lost a close loved one, this past year has been a struggle. Grief counselors say individuals go through a process when grieving: shock, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and acceptance. I have gone through most of these, although I wouldn't say that I did them in that order and some I bounce back and forth between.

When I am focused on work or my mind is otherwise engaged I function as usual, but in the quiet times in between keeping busy, occasionally I get overwhelmed by memories. I see my dad's foot black with gangrene. I remember the stress and uncertainty when the flood waters started to seep into the hospital and dad was evacuated to a different hospital. I see my dad struggling with pain from his amputation and hearing him quietly say, “If I could just take my mind off of the pain.”

I don't mean to imply that the only memories that pop into my head are all horrible. Positive memories of good times with my dad or funny memories come to me too, but these others cause such a strong emotionally painful reaction. I literally try to shake these awful thoughts out of my head.

I have also noticed another disturbing thing. I have always had many art/craft hobbies. I get my creative side from my dad. Since my dad died I haven't been able to bring myself to work on any of my hobbies. I try, but then I start feeling anxious. This is upsetting to me because my hobbies have always brought me a lot of pleasure. Instead, I end up watching TV or playing computer games obsessively to keep my mind occupied.

I'm experiencing a lot of things that I don't fully understand. I don't know if what I am experiencing is part of the normal grieving process or I am slipping into some sort of emotional mess, so I thought it might help me if I understood the grieving process better. If you too are struggling with the loss of a loved one, here are some resources that I found that may be helpful:

• Grief and Bereavement: What Psychiatrists Need to Know
• How to Deal with Grief
• 10 Tips for Coping with Pet Grief
• NCI's Loss, Grief, and Bereavement Section
• Helping Children Through Grief
• USA.gov Grief Results Page

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